quick bit of background…
When I’m not doing the ‘day job’ of recording drums, I’m usually
thinking about online session drumming and the whole business side
of things. Like a big sponge soaking up business tips from sales
trainers, marketing gurus etc. Love it. Genuinely, I do.
One of the most valuable lessons from all this stuff that I wish
someone had taught me early on is this: (watch out, it’s counter
intuitive!)
DON’T BE AFRAID TO FIRE YOUR CUSTOMERS
Told you it was counter intuitive! haha
99.9% (literally!) of your customers will be a joy to record for.
Respectful, enthusiastic, lovely people. Musicians at the end of
the day, the best people there are.
HOWEVER, there are inevitably a minuscule minority of customers out
there who will find you who are in LOVE with the process of going
backwards and forwards with their songs. You’ll nail a great take
and they’ll email 2 days later with a cut-down version of the song.
You’ll nail that one, and then they send it to a producer who wants
to make it acoustic. This goes on. and on. and on.
Unless you build a price policy that’s so unbelievably complex it
makes guitarists run scared from your website (not as hard as you’d
imagine, btw), you can’t account for the odd 1 or 2 customers a
year who just run you ragged with excessive demands.
Fire them.
Whatever they’re willing to pay you, however much work they have
for you, just fire them. They are not worth the time and stress
that they cost you.
That’s it! Class dismissed 
If you’re in the mood for a little story, then make sure you’re
sitting comfortably and we’ll begin…
A little story to illustrate:
In a land far far away, a couple years ago, a customer (let’s call
him Osama to make it topical) came to a certain online session
drummer with a song that needed some drums. Blatant Foo Fighters
influence (rip-off), so the drummer (let’s call him Mit) thought
“ay, got this one in the bag. Whip out some Taylor Hawkins licks
and we’re good to go.” After 5, yes *5* versions, something wasn’t
gelling. The track sounded great to Mit, but Osama wasn’t happy.
Mit was at this stage still inexperienced so lacked confidence and
kept trying to change the song up and re record.
Eventually Osama was happy. “I think we’re there mate, send the
tracks over”.
Relief!
All was well in the world.
Until…
…2 days later another email from Osama: “the sound in the tracks
you sent is not right. I can’t work with it. I’m confused because
in your ad and your video clips, it shows complex drumming and I
just don’t hear it in this track. The sound is bad as well”
Mit was… surprised. Cue polite email: “Same gear as the videos,
same drummer, you heard the tracks before you bought etc etc. I
want to understand where you’re coming from”
Osama fires back a rude email with insults directed at Mit’s:
playing, sound, professionalism, apparently ‘misleading
advertising’ (misleading because it showed good drumming, not the
stuff that came across on the track), microphones, mixing
techniques. Basically everything. Osama was not a happy bunny.
Mit, heartbroken and a little taken aback at his first unhappy
customer in over 100 tracks, apologetically offers to refund Osama,
and Osama agrees. The money goes back into Osama’s account, to be
spent on weapons, drugs or whatever Osamas buy. Mit goes on about
his other recording work with Osama playing on his mind.
3 days later, Osama writes to Mit an apologetic email. He labels
himself an idiot. What he really meant to say was that he hadn’t
EQ’d the snare properly. The hi hat had been bleeding through into
the mic and messing up his mix. By EQing the snare track, the hat
was reduced and the drums sounded great. The track was great, in
fact. They were using it on their record! TOTALLY AWESOME! Would
Mit accept a refund and an apology?
Osama finished his email with the words “I hate myself!!!!!!”
Mit seconded this.
He also swore that he would never record for another Osama again.
In fact, this Osama wanted another track but Mit refused.
The moral of the story for Online Session Drummers?
No amount of money is worth the aggro and mess that comes from
trying to please Osamas. None. Drums are fun and music is supposed
to be fun. Distance yourself from people who make it anything else.
So how do you tell if you have an Osama on your hands?
It becomes obvious. I’d say that if you have more than 3 long
conversations before even playing a note, you should be alert. If
you do more than 3 takes for someone, it’s red alert. If they
change the song half way through (or even after) recording, you’re
on black alert heading for the bunker.
When do you fire an Osama?
Whenever you damn well please. Your time is precious and there are
literally thousands of people out there who would be delighted to
have you play on their songs. Life is too short to bother with
Osamas, so go and give the other musicians the joy of your drumming
instead.
Hope that helps spare you some aggro someday
And don’t forget that this online session drumming thing is
probably the best job in the world. I even read an article in Wired
magazine where they talked about the best jobs, and pro drummer was
one of them. So that proves it! Without Osamas it’s even better
Tim
